I’ll admit I do it as much as anyone else: see the cool things that
others are doing and wish I were doing something cool like that too.
You see great travel photos on Instagram and other social media —
people living amazing lives, creating cool things, going on adventures.
And instantly, there’s the thought that you should be living a better
life.
But this is the wrong habit. It leads to a feeling that your life
isn’t good enough, that you aren’t good enough. And the habit doesn’t
end: if you pursue a better life, you will always feel that you should
be doing more, partying more, creating more, learning more, reading
more, traveling more. You can’t possibly do it all, but you’ll always
wish you were. So what’s a better habit? The contentment habit.
What I’ve been learning is that happiness and contentment and
greatness isn’t out there. It’s not where everyone else is, even if it
seems like it. You can spend your whole life chasing this happiness,
contentment, dreams, greatness, coolness, and never reach it. That’s
because it’s right where you are now.
Before we talk about that, let’s look at the habits that most of us do.
The Discontentment Habits
Tell me if these habits sound familiar:
You see people doing great things, traveling, having fun, and wish
you were doing something like that too. This never ends, because no
matter how much you do, there will always be other people doing still
more things that sound really cool. So you’ll never reach the pinnacle
of fun and cool and achievement.
You look at yourself and think that you can improve — get fitter,
leaner, more learned, calmer, happier, more productive. This too never
ends, because even if you do amazingly at improving yourself, you will
never be perfect, and there will always be more to improve. So you’ll
never be content, and then you die.
You feel you could be doing more. You’re rushing around, doing a
lot, but there’s always a feeling that you could be doing more. This
never ends, because there is always more you could be doing.
You can never do everything, so there’s always more that you’re not
doing than there is that you are doing.
You criticize others for what they’re not doing. Your kids, your
spouse, your family, your friends … they’re all doing something you
think they shouldn’t, or maybe not doing something you think they
should. There isn’t happiness in criticizing others, because you’re
dissatisfied with life when you’re dissatisfied with other people.
If you find yourself doing any of these things — and I’d bet $1,000
that you do them more than you realize — then it’s a good time to think
about whether that habit will ever end, and if it will bring you
happiness.
The answer to both questions is no — those habits don’t have an end, and they don’t bring happiness or contentment.
The Contentment Habit
When you catch yourself doing those discontentment habits, by being
mindful of your feelings and thoughts during the day … try this instead:
Stop looking elsewhere for happiness — in what others are doing, in
what you should be doing, in what others should be doing but aren’t, in
the things you should improve. Happiness and contentment aren’t out
there.
Instead, turn to where you are right at this moment. Pause and feel
your body, your breath, and all the sensations surrounding you right
now. See how this moment contains so much that you don’t normally
notice, if you start paying attention.
Realize that this moment is enough. All around you, right now, is a
moment that is as high quality as any of the possibilities that often
enter your mind of what you should be doing or where you should be.
Those ideal experiences aren’t of any higher quality than the experience
you’re having right now.
See the wonder in this moment. Right where you are, right now.
Notice the amazing things around you, and in you, as if you’re seeing it
for the first time ever.
Notice the miracle of your body, your mind, your surroundings. How did
all this come to be? The building you’re in, or the nature you’re in,
didn’t just magically appear — it’s almost as if the world conspired to
make this moment happen, and you get to be here to witness it. Awesome!
That’s the contentment habit, and you can do it anytime, anyplace, no
matter what you’re doing or who you’re with. It is free, always
available, always miraculous. And it never ends.
It sounds scary, we know, but consider what would happen if instead
of watching reruns of bad movies at night, you went to bed at a
reasonable hour, thus allowing yourself to wake up early and be SUPER
productive? Waking up before anybody else allows you to work out the logistics of the day to come, track your time, and (most importantly) unplug for a few hours. Take Paul Dejoe, who gets up at 4 a.m. (you heard that right) for maximum productivity:
What I was depriving myself from was time in the day
where there was no pressure and no expectations. For the same reasons
that I felt most creative on Saturday mornings and on planes, 4 a.m. has
become a place of productive peace. That feeling is why I love what I
do. I don't need a vacation. I don't need to step away. I just need a
couple hours a day before anyone else is up.
After all, the early bird catches the worm—and much more, apparently.
Big companies know storytelling is the secret weapon to
"branding." Why? Because people don't fall in love with data dumps and
PowerPoint slides—they are moved by emotions.
I made 5,127 prototypes of my vacuum before I got it
right. There were 5,126 failures. But I learned from each one. That's
how I came up with a solution. So I don't mind failure. I've always
thought that schoolchildren should be marked by the number of failures
they've had. The child who tries strange things and experiences lots of
failures to get there is probably more creative.
Dyson's point: If you want to discover something new, you're bound to
fail a few times (or in his case, 5,126 times), and that's okay. It's
also okay to quit something your heart isn't into, in order to get somewhere better.
Truth be told, I think the difference between passion and
delusion isn’t even very distinguishable. I suspect many an
entrepreneur has fallen too far down the rabbit hole without even
realizing it. It happened to me. Maxed-out credit cards, empty
cupboards, and a frustrated spouse helped me wake up to the delusion I
created in myself. I was laser-focused on the belief I had to succeed no
matter what, which led me to lose sight of reality. My story
fortunately has a happy ending. But if I hadn’t faced that reality
head-on (and it did indeed feel like a crash), I wouldn’t have been able
to honestly evaluate my business and redirect toward a healthier
course.
Here at Fast Company, we devoted an entire month to Unplugging, or taking a breather from the endless hum of the digital world. You don't have to completely unplug, but the effects of removing
yourself for a few days, hours, or even weeks, can do wonders for your
sanity and enable you to refocus your aspirations. A perfect example: Stuck on an idea? Take a walk.
If you're trying to delve deeper than surface level engagement, try taking notes. It might sound silly, but put some genuine effort into it—note-taking is an important key to keeping your mind organized, and understanding better what it is you're after. And with that, we bid adieu. If you have any habits that we've missed or should know about (like everyone else, we want to be more productive!), please share them with us in the comments. Meantime, check in here, for the latest tips and tricks for success.
This is a blog about habits. One of them is - surely - honesty so in that spirit I stole (but accredit) the below from here.
How a habit is born
You probably already know what a habit is (heck, you probably have a
few of your own) but here’s a basic definition: a habit is behavior that
an individual performs over and over again, sometimes automatically.
But what turns a behavior into a habit?
Charles Duhigg, who wrote “The Power of Habit: Why We Do What We Do in Life and Business”, thinks that habits are reinforced by a three-part loop:
trigger, behavior, and reward. The trigger tells you—consciously or
unconsciously—to start the behavior, the behavior is the habit or
action, and the reward is the benefit that you get from that action. You
can see the loop: That coveted reward teaches us to continue the
behavior, over and over again, until it turns into a habit. So, whether you’re trying to break a habit or start a new one, Duhigg
suggests isolating triggers and rewards, then experimenting with them.
Recent research on habit formation backs up Duhigg’s strategy, showing
that consistent contexts (i.e. triggers) increase the likelihood of picking up a new habit, and that people who associated positive feelings with the behavior were more likely to repeat it. With the basic framework of how habits develop, we can define some strategies for creating a new one.
Decide on a habit
Like any major undertaking, habit formation starts with a plan. Gretchen Rubin, author of “The Happiness Project” says that the habit you design should be super-specific
for the best chance at success. In other words, instead of simply
trying to drink more water—a nebulous goal—set up a routine where you
aim to drink one 8-oz glass of water every day with your lunch at 12:30
p.m.
Rubin is arguing for using micro-quotas, which Gregory Ciotti says act as building blocks for larger, long-term macro-goals.
Think of it this way: If your ultimate goal is to run a marathon,
starting with a micro-quota like running a half-mile per day can help
form a habit, and eventually that micro-quota will cascade into longer
runs in the future. Make sure that your habit has realistic standards, and that the macro-goal is something you’re passionate about—don’t make this a New Year’s resolution situation.
Why shooting for the smallest possible goals works
When the most-desired habits are huge, life-altering
modifications—eating healthier, running more, waking up earlier—it feels
weird to think small. But Ciotti’s concept of micro-quotas makes habits
easy to start, and easy to incorporate into our set routines. Leo
Babauta of Zenhabits points out that you might complete a big habit a
few times, but that your motivation is not a sustainable resource, and
that laughably simple changes are easier to keep up.
So instead of willing yourself into a giant change, construct a
dead-simple action that painlessly slots into your day, like doing three
sit-ups or reading one paragraph of a book. Director of Stanford’s
Persuasive Tech Lab, BJ Fogg views habits on a spectrum of motivation
versus effort: the higher the effort,
the more motivation required. So if you make something insanely easy to
accomplish, the human mind sees it as a no-brainer. On the other hand,
if your task is difficult and non-specific, like losing 50 pounds, your
motivation is going to disappear as soon as you hit a small roadblock. The thought here is that by starting small and integrating the
behavior into your everyday life, a habit can start to take shape, which
will snowball into larger life changes. For example, if you resolve to
eat one baby carrot per day, eventually you’ll say “I’m already eating
one, why not two?” One measly baby carrot? Seriously, think that small: one push-up per day can motivate your brain past the starting line, and into a 30-minute workout.
Turn simple behaviors into rituals
One of the quickest ways to integrate a new habit into your day is to
chain the unfamiliar behavior with an existing one. This strategy is
called making an if-then plan:
if I do a specific activity, then I do this other new activity.
Eventually these if-then chains develop into routines that happen almost
automatically, with little-to-no motivation needed. You may not think about it, but I bet you already have a bedtime
ritual: put on pajamas, wash your face, brush your teeth, use mouthwash,
plug in your phone, set an alarm. If you want to make a habit out of
flossing, make brushing your teeth a trigger, so if you brush your teeth, then you must floss. The trigger can be anything, as long as it’s something you already do
daily. Fogg, for example, used peeing—yes, peeing—as a trigger and chained that to his new habit,
push-ups. Combine this with those bite-sized goals, and the mental
resistance to your new habit will bottom out—Fogg started with just two
push-ups after every bathroom visit. Photo Courtesy of Helmuts Guigo
Repeat for best results
Whether you’re a pro athlete, best-selling author, or just someone
who neglects his or her running shoes a bit too often, repetition is the
key to quality. In fact, strong habits can help us automate mental
processes that would usually take up our attention, allowing our brains
to focus on other more difficult tasks simultaneously—creative, technical, or otherwise. So if you’re repeating a behavior in the same context
over and over again, you can form a habit while also trending towards
mastery of that skill. Herbert Lui at Medium assembled a great group of
real-life examples where accomplished artists and athletes—like Kanye
and Kobe—used repetition to hone their craft.
Just get started
There’s an established principle in psychology called the Zeigarnik
effect. Basically, the idea states that if you leave a task incomplete,
it’s going to stick in your brain until you finish it. Call it closure,
commitment, whatever: We’re wired to finish what we start. So when
developing a habit, tiptoeing past the starting line might be the most
important part. Ciotti (of macro-goals fame, above) used this strategy to “get over the hump” and trick himself into working out: he set his sights low to get started, which spurred a “might as well” kind of motivation.
That craving for completion has been scientifically tested, too:
Researchers at the University of Mississippi showed that once students
started a puzzle, they stuck around to finish it
even after they were paid and told they could leave. This dovetails
nicely with the idea of making your habit as basic and effortless as
possible. Just dipping a toe in the waters of your new behavior can help you
sidestep the biggest barrier to habit formation: starting. The Zeigarnik
effect can even help you break your procrastination habit.
When you aren’t getting the results you want, try switching up the
trigger that you’re chaining your new behavior to, or reevaluating
whether or not your habit is simple enough to stick. Don’t get
discouraged if your target habit doesn’t feel like second nature after a
few weeks: The average time it takes to solidify a new habit is around 66 days.
Conclusion
By understanding a little bit about the way your brain forms habits
naturally, you can start to identify new habits that you want to form
and build a plan for integrating them into your life. From a
psychological standpoint, try distilling your habit into its simplest
form, and combining it with things that you’re already doing during your
day-to-day routine. With enough repetition, even complicated tasks can become an automatic part of your schedule.
